15 Reasons Why it's Not Your Weight Making You Unhappy
Do you keep saying to yourself “I am unhappy with my weight?”
Well, if you’re tired of feeling unhappy about your weight then this blog post is for you!
I want to share with you 15 Reasons Why It’s Not Your Weight Making You Unhappy.
Welcome back to 15 reasons why it isn’t your weight making you unhappy. Part Two.
I have previously shared with you 7 external obstructions keeping you from finding your magical happiness (read it here).
The reason I call it magical is because it is magical.
Once you begin to free yourself of the internal and external obstructions something inside you changes. There’s a feeling deep within you that is so new, so mysterious and so exhilarating it’s like it comes from somewhere beyond our senses, beyond our understanding.
Depending on how old you are when you are reading this, your happiness may have been displaced a year ago, a decade ago or a lifetime ago. I can’t quite pinpoint the time my happiness began to move out of my mind and body. But I’m almost certain it happened when I was very young. Still a toddler.
I have had a couple of kinesiology sessions (where they work with your body to discover memories and feelings held deep inside you which cause you to behave the way you do. Old traumas, events, experiences… all of it) and one memory came to light about my father and I when I was 2 and why I had the deep-seated belief I did about always feeling alone. Although, I didn’t get the exact memory of what happened, my body held onto this feeling of being alone and abandoned from a situation that happened with my father when I was 2 years of age.
Our bodies hold onto EVERYTHING, even if we cannot remember them. And, these memories are full of our beliefs, thoughts and feelings about them. All of which drive who we are today.
They stop us from following our dreams, they stop us from believing in ourselves to the point where we’re paralysed with fear and they stop us from finding our magical happiness.
But that is only one side of the coin. We have good memories too.
Unfortunately, though, the good memories, the good feelings and the good beliefs we have about ourselves are all but obliterated by the bad memories. We hold onto the bad stuff like a blankie. It somehow gives us the security we need because we believe in the bad stuff more than the good stuff.
We could have thirty amazing compliments from friends, family and people we don’t really know but that 1 negative comment thrown in there is the one we believe and obsess about. That one comment steals any happiness, joy and pleasure we have been feeling about ourselves.
Thinking back on your life, when do you believe your happiness began to seep from your mind and your body?
How long have you been searching for it? How can you find it again? And, what will happen when you do find your magical happiness? Will you even recognise it?
Will it jump out at you and say “Honey, I’m home”?
It will be different for everyone because everyone is different.
Lets now unravel the internal obstructions keeping you from reaching your inner happiness. That have absolutely nothing to do with how much you weigh and what your body looks like.
What are your beliefs?
Your beliefs are a function of the brain that help you make sense of the world.
When you were a kid your mind made sense of the experiences you had and the things said to you. In your child’s mind you took those words and those experiences and turned them into something you could understand.
We took our parents word as truth and we believed what they told us. We took what others said and did to us as truth and believed in them.
But it isn’t until we, or someone else, challenges those beliefs do we realise they were probably not true in the first place. We have held onto them for far too long allowing them to radiate into the core of our mind and body causing us to behave according to that belief.
They limit us. Our beliefs limit our ability to be who we truly are and to find our magical happiness. If we believe we are hopeless, not enough, unworthy, unlovable…
Then we move through life never reaching our unlimited potential for greatness.
We all have this unlimited potential for greatness. It is inside every single one of us. It is absolutely possible to question, challenge, confront and change any belief you have.
Replace it with one that is so much more empowering.
Remember, you get to choose. YOU have the power inside of you.
2. Negative thinking and Your Inner dialogue
Inside your mind is a constant dialogue. This dialogue tells you all sorts of things…
“Gee you look fat today”
“Are you really going to eat that for lunch?”
“Why are you even bothering to go to the gym? You look ridiculous”
And, we listen.
We listen to every single word. But the horrible part about this mean dialogue (and it is incredibly mean) is we BELIEVE it.
We believe every single horrible word that runs through our mind.
But this dialogue really is only a monologue.
There is one voice inside your mind yelling mean things at you and putting you down. Would you stand on a street corner and yell these words at someone passing by? Telling them they were ugly, fat, stupid, hopeless and unworthy.
No. You wouldn’t.
Why? Because you are nicer than that to other people. You know saying those things would be hurtful, mean and just plain awful. So, why do we think it’s ok to say those things to ourselves? Because there is no one there to stop it.
Ah, but there is!
You have a voice too. YOU get to override all those mean horrible words.
It’s time to start a true dialogue with yourself. Use kind words, loving words and be as kind and loving to yourself as you are to others.
If “you” say something mean to you then you get the right of reply…
Question, challenge, confront and change those thoughts that make you feel horrible about yourself.
Your magical happiness will begin to release itself the more you shut down those horrible, horrible thoughts and replace them with kind, forgiving and loving thoughts.
3. Feelings about Yourself
To go along with the horrible inner dialogue, are the feelings associated with them.
Every thought turns into a feeling. It may not last very long or it could last for several weeks, even months.
My shitty thoughts about myself used to send me into, what I call, my hole. I could be in there for months at a time.
My feelings sat inside me like a tonne of bricks and, they influenced how I lived every day.
Everyone wants to feel great. We want to feel happy. But, when the feelings are not-so-great and not-so-happy, it can turn your life upside down.
We can go into a deep depression and never want to get out of bed. We can eat the entire contents of the fridge.
We can harm ourselves in any number of ways just to stop those not-so-good feelings from staying in our body.
But when we get the great feelings…
Wow, we can do amazing things.
We want to conquer the world and hold onto those feelings forever.
What if you made the choice to let some feelings go? And, to understand you have control over your feelings just as much as you do over the thoughts and beliefs in your mind. Yet, there is one big part of feeling feelings most people refuse to recognise.
There will always be good feelings and not-so-good feelings. Life is not always one big happy holiday. At some point we go back to reality and the high wears off. Life happens. Shit happens.
We will never outrun the bad parts of life.
We will never only have the good feelings. As I have said with all of the obstructions so far, the same goes for feelings.
Question. Challenge. Confront. Change.
You always have the power within you to turn your not-so-good feelings into good, great and amazing feelings.
And, the not-so-great feelings can be felt with as much love as you can give them. Allow them to be because they will give you more than you realise.
When you see a skinny woman, what do you think of her?
Are you jealous?
Do you feel compelled to compete with her body and her looks? Do you idolise her because you think she has the perfect life?
All of these feelings, thoughts and beliefs about other women are delaying your happiness. Jealousy, idolising and competition can be very destructive.
You behave in ways you never imagined possible. You lose yourself even more to feelings of hopelessness, hatred, desperation, sadness and loneliness.
Instead of being jealous of another woman because of how she looks or trying to outdo her or idolising her body and her life; embrace who SHE is.
She’s probably got insecurities just like you. Recognise your own insecurities and find a healthy, fun way to change them. You deserve to look at another woman and say…
“Yes, she is different to me but we are both amazing, smart, funny, beautiful women.”
Failure is huge.
It is debilitating.
It evokes feelings of hopelessness.
It causes people to give up.
But what if failure was not a bad thing? What if failure was not meant to stop us? What if failure was simply a way of learning?
If you’ve ever been on a diet that ended after only 3 or 4 days (and, who hasn’t) you’ve no doubt felt like a failure.
You punished yourself somehow because you failed and you non-stop told yourself off because you couldn’t make it past day 4 of a 30 day diet.
Then the next fad diet came along, you promised yourself you will make it to the end this time, you’ll be really, really good and you’ll finally get skinny and happy.
But, this time you make it to 2 weeks and BOOM…
You have a bad day and you head to the fridge to stuff your face silly. Just like you’ve always done. Because you are hopeless and can never do anything right.
Here’s the truth…
You are not a failure. The diet is. And, Every time you “fail” at something you are being given a lesson.
Ask yourself “Why didn’t that work for me?”, “What can I do differently next time?”, “ What is preventing me from achieving this?”
When you ask the question instead of beating yourself up, you will find answers. You will be given a new way to succeed the next time.
Your happiness won’t come when you believe you’re a failure.
Your happiness will rise out of you as you receive the answers you need and allow success to come in a way you may never have imagined.
And, one true way of getting your happiness back is to NEVER DIET AGAIN!
6. Lost all trust in ourselves and who we are
While on my own quest to find my magical happiness life took me down different paths. I would venture down one path but end up somewhere completely different.
My life has been a series of unfamiliar paths and each new path would find me fumbling in the darkness, terrified and alone.
I was so scared of what I might find along that path and whether I was going to be attacked or harmed. Or if I was ever going to find my way out. I’d beg for help from anyone who could hear me and I’d cry into the darkness wishing someone would tell me if I was going the right way.
After a while of walking alone, I realised there was no one there. But in the distance there was a light. It was so tiny I wasn’t sure if it was real or imagined. I kept walking, crying, begging; hoping someone would finally come and rescue me.
I moved closer and closer to the light. It grew bigger and bigger. Now I could see a silhouette. A woman. Who is she? Why is she not coming to help me? To rescue me from this pain. This dark, all-consuming pain.
I wanted to drop to my knees and never get up again. I wanted to stay in that spot forever. I couldn’t go back but I didn’t have the strength to keep going.
But somehow my legs kept moving. One foot in front of the other. The silhouette becoming clearer and clearer. I was beginning to recognise her. Her body. Her face. Her hair.
She was willing me to continue. I felt her inside of me. She was guiding me. Whispering to me “keep going”…
Until I was standing in front of her. She was me. I didn’t know what to say. I felt, relieved.
As I stood there staring at myself a peacefulness washed over me. It was me all along.
I’m the one who has been gently and lovingly guiding me the whole time.
I quickly discovered something about myself, something that has been holding me back all these years…
I didn’t trust in myself. I didn’t trust in who I truly was. I had became lost and disorientated. But I was with me this whole time, waiting…
Waiting for me to find my way back again. Everything I ever needed in this life was inside me the whole time. I can trust myself again. I can believe in myself again.
I am the one I’ve been waiting for.
How long have you hated your body?
How much of your day is spent thinking about your weight?
How many hours do you agonise over how your thighs look, how big your tummy is, how flabby your arms are?
What if you STOPPED driving yourself crazy with all of these negative thoughts?
What if you STOPPED hating your body and yourself?
What if you welcomed in LOVE?
What if you forgave your body and began to respect and love it for all it does for you?
It’s time. Time to love our bodies and ourselves again.
But, what does it mean to forgive?
Forgiveness allows you to move forward, to let go of those thoughts which consume you every day and to give yourself the chance to be YOU.
You have gotten lost somewhere along the way as your thoughts have turned into hate about WHO you are and WHAT you look like.
Haven’t you had enough of feeling this way about yourself?
I got to a point about a year or so ago now where I couldn’t take the horrible thoughts any more.
It was exhausting.
It was too much mentally.
I had tried and tried for so many years to feel better about myself but nothing ever worked.
That’s because I couldn’t forgive. I didn’t know how and I didn’t understand the importance of forgiving myself.
Forgiving myself for all those years of torturing myself with food, for getting fat and for being me.
I wasn’t good enough and my body certainly wasn’t good enough.
Then one day I heard about this beautiful Ancient Hawaiian forgiveness technique, Ho’oponopono, which helped me to forgive myself and my body.
It was uncomfortable at first but the more I did it the better I felt, and now I can honestly say I love myself and my body for the first time in more than 35 years.
I’m not perfect and I don’t strive to be any more.
Practice with the forgiveness technique with me now. Close your eyes and repeat after me.
Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you.
These words are so powerful and they really help to change how you think and feel about yourself.
Your thoughts can be changed at any time. You do not need to continue thinking such awful thoughts about yourself.
You deserve to LOVE who you are.
Repeat them again. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you.
Use them all day, every day, say them whenever you hear yourself being mean and horrible about your body.
Say them until you BELIEVE them. Until you believe your body is beautiful and that you are beautiful.
Because it is. And you are.
7. Your story
This is where every part of you comes together.
Every thought. Every feeling. Every belief. All of it.
Meticulously penned to create the story of your life. When you wake up in the morning your story is there. When you go to sleep at night your story is there.
It contains every moment from your past. Your childhood, high school years, becoming an adult, navigating the unknown, finding love, losing love, friends, family….
It’s all there.
But your story does not have only one author. There are many authors contributing to your life story. Family, friends, the parents of friends, strangers, teachers, colleagues, coaches, bosses, lovers, enemies.
Everyone you come into contact with throughout your life has the opportunity to write a few words or a few chapters in the book of you.
There will be happy chapters, sad parts, traumatic events and beautiful moments all intertwining as they create memories we either hold dear or want to forget forever.
And each story written in your book is influenced by the story of that author.
Because, no author is walking this earth without being a part of a story. We are all a part of many different stories and we are all authors contributing to the stories of those we meet along the way.
We may not be able to re-write those stories which have already been written but it is possible to take control of the pen and only allow what you want to be written.
As the unwritten theme of this whole episode and the one before…
YOU have the power to create, write and envision whatever life you desire.
You get to choose what you put in your story. You get to decide who co-authors your story. You get to have the final edit on the story of your life.
Rewriting your story will be life changing. You are going to piss people off, you could possibly lose friends and family may cause you the biggest heartache of all.
Because you are changing.
Because you are awakening to your true self and that tends to upset people. Especially, when they feel as though they are being left behind or even slightly jealous because you have the courage to go within and find the life you are here on this earth to live.
Not everyone will allow themselves to find their courage because it is too hard to change. Life will look completely different and unfamiliar.
But that’s good.
It means you are learning, growing and evolving. It’s what we’re on this earth to do. To awaken and transcend. To find those parts of us capable of kindness and compassion and use them to serve others, our world and ourselves.
Your story does not need to remain as it is. I can tell you from my own experience how life changing it is re-writing your story.
I am still re-writing everyday.
My story is a work in progress, a never-ending novel full of so much more joy then I ever dreamed possible.
I have a whole book inside me yet to be written. I don’t know what is yet to go on those pages but what I do know is this…
I want them to be filled with love, laughter, joy, happiness, adventure, learning, growth, compassion, kindness, experiences, inspiration, friends, family. There will be sad, hard, hurtful, horrible times as well. We can’t avoid those. They are a part of life no matter how much we don’t want them to happen.
You have a whole book full of blank pages in front of you but what do you write? Are you excited to re-write your own story?
It will be life-changing. I can promise you that.
To bring this beautiful post to a close, I want to tell you…
Your happiness has been inside you this whole time.
Your happiness has never depended on the outside world or how much you weigh or what your body looks like.
It depends on only one thing…
You can be happy whenever you want to be. You can be happy in any moment you choose.
I’ll leave you with this beautiful quote:
Thank you so much for reading these words, beautiful. This really is a dream come true for me. I have always loved writing and now I get to do it. And, most importantly. Allow myself to do it.
Part Two of 15 Reasons Why It Isn’t Your Weight Making You Unhappy
For the Love of Me
This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling about myself and my body. And, every bit of love that was denied to me and that I denied to myself. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.