A Figure of Fat
I spent much of my life overweight. Obese.
I was stared at. Verbally abused and given filthy, disgusting looks all because my body was large. It was fat.
It was crushing to be treated as if I was not allowed to exist in this world simply because I was fat.
My fatness came from hate. Hate for myself, my life and eventually my body because it was so disgusting.
It was a very potent mix of feelings, thoughts, circumstances, environment, fucked up rules and Divine Intention that led me to the person I was and the person I am today.
This poem expresses how two women can be the same yet so very different. Who they are on the outside does not entirely reflect who they are on the inside.
There is so much more to a woman than what her body looks like on the outside.
Listen. Learn. Love.
Eyes fixated on a figure just there
They abhor what they see all too disgustingly aware
A body like hers with all the right parts
Yet this one is quite different not nearly as sparse
One has a figure others stare at and admire
While hers misleads attention that will never inspire
How can two be the same in matter and in mind
But be contradictory in terms of a size that is unkind
As the other now notices the abhorrent eyes in a glare
She can’t help but wonder if life really is so unfair
The form of her shape expanded beyond self-control
They know nothing of her secrets buried deep in her soul
While the skinny one watches the figure of fat
She can’t help but wonder how did she end up like that
Her judgements fill the air as they float over to the others heart
If only she knew how her fat tears her heartbreakingly apart
From an instant long ago an invisible ruling was made
One must never grow large. Fat must not be publicly displayed
Fat is ugly and frightful, it will scare away the skinny’s
Such women are unable to cope with a body so unpretty
Carried into tomorrow and the day after next
A new ruling for life each generation dutifully respects
Disorder and trouble do their best to declare
A figure of fat hides a woman in there
Behind such a body lingers passion and spirit
Energy looking for release, a place to break free constrained limit
As their eyes lock in unison a current sparks new acknowledgement
She glimpses something shrouded, a sense of astonishment
Her body is large, yes a figure of fat
Yet the woman within is so much more than just that
She has feelings and love that defy what they all see
A gesture so simple would set all of them free
Abolish the rule, she thinks with care and compassion
We all deserve love, lets write a retraction
Her heart fills with affection, the figure of fat swiftly transforming
Eyes softening their disgust to see a woman beautifully restoring
Legs stand with resolve and walk to where she is sitting
She sits down next to her, courage congenially permitting
She asks her her name, a smile warm on her face
My name is Kelly. They wholeheartedly embrace
This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.
Buy the Book Here
Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.
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