Anger Within
I was angry. Fuck was I angry.
My anger within felt like an abyss. A never-ending sea of anger. With wave after wave breaking out of me because of how I felt about my life, about myself, about my body, about the world, about who I was and about who I wasn’t.
It felt as if there was no way out of the storm raging within me.
I wrote this poem to share this feeling and get it out of me.
My anger has subsided. The sandy island shore gave me a place to begin. To rest myself after fighting the storm for so long.
Listen. Learn. Love.
Within the abyss there’s a tide of temper forming
A wave washes over me. It breaks without warning
As I get sucked into the great ocean storm
I see all that was, suspended at my feet in a swarm
Each memory all murky as I look into the deep
A forgotten reason why the emotion’s mine to keep
The girl of long ago took each one without a care
She believed the one who gave them, too young to be aware
The trust she felt, its such a natural way to be
She didn’t know any better, she thought that she was free
But now as I tread water in the great abyss alone
The anger all around me, mine to fully own
I look at all the memories of a life that I once lived
Too painful to remember, taken away and thoroughly hid
Such a feeling of great anger attached to each and every one
I’m angry at them all, there’s nowhere left to run
Its time to face them one-on-one, a task that I must do
For if I don’t I’ll sure end up exploding in a blew
Blame wants to be held forever, blame for what you did to me
I can’t ignore how misery was all that I could see
Inside me there were feelings I had to hide from my existence
All the good feelings I knew came up to meet with great resistance
Only one could break through such a tough exterior
An explosion of brute force left me frail and inferior
Person after person topping up the rage inside
Everyone of you not knowing how you built the vast divide
I condemn you for my anger, I don’t want it in my mind
There is so much more to me than this, I won’t be so defined
Yet, the anger still remains from all those years ago
I see it in the deep, is this all I’ll ever know?
Each memory I have of when I was forgotten
Drifts about the heavy ocean looking tainted, bad and rotten
The storm rages on bringing wave after wave
Each full of retrospect, I’m begging to be brave
No longer can I keep such anger at my side
I must swim against the storm hoping it will soon subside
You hurt me once before, more than once if truth be told
Why do I let this hurt turn me angry, sad and cold?
Its the little girl inside me who needs helping more the most
She is trapped in every echo like the limbo of a ghost
It’s time to let her out, let her scream her painful sorrow
For when she does we’ll reaffirm there will be a great tomorrow
As the memories of yesterday float away from the abyss
I turn anger into love, a feeling I have missed
The little girl and I have much mending left to do
But now it is conceivable that love will pull us through
I look around me now wondering where to go from here
I notice in the distance an island did appear
With all my might I swim to the sandy island shore
A smile upon my face, I’ve a safe place to restore
Difficult it may be as I interchange my ways
It will well be worth it for the shine of brighter days
This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.
Buy the Book Here
Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.
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