Dearest God

I wanted to tell God how unhappy I was with the woman I became. How much I hated her and didn’t understand her.

I wanted someone to listen to me. To hear my expressions of disgust and self-loathing.

He heard me and his reply was more than I thought I deserved.

Listen. Learn. Love.

Dearest God, here are my words of plight
I am giving into myself, I am tired of the fight

Your presence has been absent, a story not to be believed
Fear and retribution they condemned us to receive

I refused to want to know if there was ever more than that
My life abstractly wandering, having meaningless impact

Then one day in the silence an almighty mellow crack
My slumber jolted from its trance to put me back on track

Many years of going to and fro, unsure of confirmation
Each sign a flashing neon light, arrow to my destination

Ignorance and sticky belief kept my attention upon another
Her demand to keep me in control possessing my mind beneath her smother

Slowly and undoubtedly, You expanded beyond belief
Reality now thrown away, You hold me in my grief

And, this is where our story starts, this duration anyhow
Embrace us as a brand new heart, freeing all the doubt

So, now I must talk to you about the woman I’ve become
I’ve made a mess of so much time, wanting to faithfully succumb

A terrible amount of love was lost, stolen from my heart
Some of it I gave away, not requiring its part

Words and feelings jumbled up causing chaos amidst my passion
Vision blinded to what is concealed, I dare do not imagine

Each ticking hand of years gone by observed cruelness deep within
Savage heart and savage mind did their best to duly win

Self-loathing and the hate I was became the woman thus untrue
Pain and torture overtook wisdom I once knew

I held on tightly just as so I could never give her up
No other way for me to be unaware of permission to disrupt

But Your awareness crept on in, illuminating an old reflection
I saw her staring back at me a long forgotten love connection

This woman resonated strength abound for which I never saw
Each and every spark of light dimmed by private, sombre flaws

What I lacked in purpose and ability, determination flowed with fervour
All the subtle hints I now accept, in Your school I am a learner

Your teachings teach a fresh idea eternity knows no different
Welcome in, embrace there is, become a free participant

Five of five, do know them all to heal a heart of blunder
Be curious in their reason why, be open to their wonder

Trust and faith in who you are knowing what your life is for
Forgiveness brings compassion, restoration to your core

Lastly, an important one, for which you won’t concede
It is the one to turn to most in your emotional time of need

I gave you this Divine Intention, a gift from me to you
So use it well and use it now, your plight in tough review

A love so sure, love so secure, enduring grief and sorrow
Why wait another second here’s Unconditional Love for all your tomorrows

Thank You God, your words hold true, vibrating between my senses
I welcome back what I once known, letting go of my defences

Each step I take from here on out is full of hope and brave approach
Your teachings have me moving forth toward my loving growth

Raising Love
Listen. Learn. Love

This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.

Buy the Book Here

Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.

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