I Don’t Know How

I spent so much of my life not knowing how to be. To be myself. To be a kind person. To be a part of my own life.

Doubt and insecurity clouded my ability to see beyond the nonsense I believed about who I was in this world.

Thankfully, I have never been able to give up on myself. I now know how to do.

Listen. Learn. Love.

I don’t know how to be or to see or to matter so much
I don’t know how to run with the sky and let the blue swallow me up

I don’t know what is to come as I look far beyond
An instant of longing in my eyes, I sit and wait for hope to respond

But, I don’t know how to live in this world full of lies and deception
Words shouting at me cruelly, I enclose myself in a private perception

For I don’t know how to dance with the moon as it shimmers and sways
All this love that I’ve lost. Why did I throw it all away?

I can’t hold what I know amongst the twin in disguise
She invades every piece, nothing left to demise

When I don’t know how to frolic in the beauty surrounds
I fall down to the ground, watch each piece rumble and rebound

Say, I don’t know how to stand as tall as the trees
Or lean into the air, get carried away on the breeze

If I did any of that I wouldn’t know who I was
Since the me that I am has got the preferred me on pause

Well, I don’t know how to stop revolving around such drivel and hogwash
I am a stupid, stupid girl believing this nonsense can’t be squashed

Cause I don’t know how to resolve, reform or remake
So, I guess I’ll just surrender, lay my life down, fail to partake

No! I don’t know how to succumb. I am actually not done yet
Uncertain, of course, as hope does respond with a reset

Yeah, I don’t know how to exist without question or reason
There’s no knowing such insanity may move along with the season

All the bullshit, the shit, the crap and the waste
Will not end me my life, give it up with rushed haste

For the sky and the moon, the breeze about the trees, they pick me up from the ground, help me run around with the blue
Because never again in this life will I not know how to do

Raising Love
Listen. Learn. Love

This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.

Buy the Book Here

Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.

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