Not Mine
As a child I believed in the words of others when they told me I was unworthy. Unlovable.
In this poem I express how their hurtful and mean words are not mine to keep.
Those words come from their own pain and torment. They were not supposed to be for me but yet they were thrown at me from their own anger causing damage along the way.
They are not mine anymore.
Listen. Learn. Love.
Their words coming at me, sharp and broken
Syllables of hate enclose bitterness spoken
Too innocent to recognise the emotions not meant for me
A little girl standing, shaking, though they cannot see
The fury time forgot rains its acid from their tongue
Deforming precious love from a life that is so young
Anxiety and burden grew her body and her reason
Stability wobbly in it’s residence season after season
On my way to the adult their brokenness carried on my back
I accept it as my own, awareness I do lack
With each and every being entering this weary life of mine
Those same sharp and broken words eventually combine
There’s no one there to show me how to fling it far away
Nor to reassure their brokenness is not mine to redisplay
So I go about my day believing I’m the only one
Who must function in this role as I slowly come undone
For the total sum of worth each word valued me to be
I discounted even more, gave my trust away for free
Oblivious to their words and their ability to define
Future self will come to realise they are not truly mine
This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.
Buy the Book Here
Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.
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