Hi, I’m Kelly and welcome to the Raising Love podcast. Raising love within yourself as only you can.

Brought to you by LOVE body and the Positively You program.

So, this episode is all about doing something that we, as women, are never really taught to do. That we get told off for doing. That we are shamed for doing. And, basically made to feel as though we are not allowed to do any of these things because we must always accept everything that is told to us.

But what if we refused to believe and accept all of that? What would that make us as women?

Where would we be then?

Is it really ok for us to question, challenge, confront and change EVERYTHING that has ever been told to us? That has been handed down to us from one generation to the next. That has filled our minds with lie after lie after lie.

Because, as women, we have been fed way too many lies about how we are supposed to be. How we are supposed to look and live.

I believed the lie for almost 40 years that I was supposed to look like the skinny woman who ate perfectly, workout all the time, dressed to show off her amazing body and have the dream life of the dream job, with the dream man and the dream family living in the dream house.

That there was a particular mould I was supposed to squeeze myself into, and if I didn’t then I was not worthy of living. I was shunned for being fat, I was shunned for not having the right clothes, the right life, a boyfriend.

There is such a long list of things we must be as a woman. And as we move through life we need to tick them off as we get them, and if we don’t get them then there clearly must be something wrong with us.

And, heaven forbid we CHOOSE NOT to want them.

If we decide to go against the grain and want something completely different for our life. How many times have you been asked “why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Why aren’t you married by now?” And then if you don’t have kids by a particular age, then holy moly.. you get hassled about when you’ll have kids.

See, the way a woman’s life is supposed to go is like this…

Grow up into a beautiful, thin woman who has the job of her dreams. Go to university or college and meet your future husband there.

If you don’t meet him there then that’s ok, you’ll meet him at work.

If you don’t have a boyfriend by the time you are in your mid twenties, then you are wasting your life. You need to be actively looking for a man at all times. Always on the prowl.

If 30 arrives and there is still no man, the questions ramp up. Why do you not have a boyfriend? Why don’t you have a husband.

Then should you get one of those elusive males, the next question is “when are you getting engaged?”, then you get engaged, “so when are you getting married?”, next question on the list of annoying but apparently totally ok questions to pry into your life with “when are you having kids”. You have your first child, before the child even lives its first full day, “when will you have more”.

And, it just goes on and on and gets more and more frustrating for the woman who has to field all of these totally sexist question. Men don’t get asked these.

They don’t have to deal with every one sticking their nose in your business about when you are going to have the dream life with the dream family.

And, it really doesn’t help that nearly every rom com, sitcom and tv show out there perpetuates this ridiculous myth about how a woman is supposed to live her life.

Again, there is a very specific mould that we are all supposed to squeeze ourselves into.

But what if you questioned these societal beliefs? What if you challenged them and confronted them, then CHANGED them?

Changed them to actually suit who you are as a woman?

Because there are many moulds to fit. We all have our own mould. Specifically designed to fit who we are.

But we can’t fit into that mould if we still believe there is only a one-size-fits-all mould.

I wasted so many years believing that I was supposed to be the exact same as every one else.

I only saw the same people on the tv, in movies, in advertisements. I had no idea there were other women like me because they were hidden away like the shameful, disgusting women they were led to believe they were.

How dare you show your face in society looking like that. Living like that. BEING like that. We only want THESE types of women to live out here because they make the world a better place, simply by being beautiful.

So, that’s what I did. I hid away in plain sight. I couldn’t be THAT woman so I continued to hate everything about myself and I ate away the pain of not being what I believe I had to be.

I ate the hate. And, I ate the hate and I ate the hate.

Living a lie, living the life I was shamed into living until one day I woke up. I realised that there are billions of beautiful women on this earth and each and every one of them is unique, different, amazing.

And, I could be that too. So, what if I have wobbles. So what if I didn’t look great in a bikini. So what if my life was not what society belives it should be.

I began to change my thinking. I began to question everything that was ever told to me, that was ever shown to me.

I challenged it all. I wanted to know if it was real or just the imagination of someone who was also brainwashed into believing there is supposed to be only one type of woman.

I confronted it. I stood up for myself. And I changed it. Inside of me I changed it.

And, this is what the work of LOVE body is all about. Not just talking about it but CHANGING it.

Reaching women just like you who may not realise it is possible to question, challenge, confront and change.

It is a huge task but one by one we can turn them around.

We have to. Not only for ourselves but for our girls and every generation to come.

You may not have a platform to speak out on but what you do have is your voice. And that voice can reach one or many.

You have conversations throughout your day when you speak to other women where you can kindly and gently remind them that they have the ability to question, challenge, confront and change.

If they say something traditionally patriarchal that you feel is doing more harm to women than good, you have every right to stand up for women.

Because now is a wonderful time for all women to speak up and out. We are being heard more than ever and women are uniting to break the patriarchal shackles we’ve been locked in for thousands of years.

We no longer HAVE to marry, or HAVE to have kids or HAVE to get a job that only a woman can do.

Women are being recognised as athletes in areas that were ever only for men such as football. And they are doing amazing. Here in Australia both men and women are attending football matches where the teams are all women.

They are strong, empowered and friggen tough. But most of all they are doing something they love because they decided to question, challenge, confront and change those long held ridiculous beliefs that only men could play professional football.

And, for me as a woman watching them play I will admit that it was weird at first. I grew up going to mens only football games. I followed a team where only men played and I only ever watched men playing.

It felt different to me and I wasn’t sure if I liked it because I wasn’t used to it. We really don’t like it when things change and what we are familiar with becomes something else.

So, I had to question myself. And, challenge my thoughts about women playing professional football, then confront them and then change them.

I had to look at the whole thing from a different perspective. Through fresh eyes. And those fresh eyes made all the difference.

And, there are women coming into so many other areas that were once male dominated. Construction, IT, the sciences, manufacturing, agriculture, the maths and technology sectors, movie directors and producers.

All because these amazing woman wanted to question, challenge, confront and change what these areas believed in. That woman are not smart, they are not creative and that they don’t have what it takes.

They have chosen to do it anyway. To take those beliefs and show everyone what they are worth.

Because ALL women are smart, creative and definitely do have what it takes to be whatever it is they want to be.

We cannot all be physicists, dancers, painters, directors, teachers, doctors, entrepreneurs.

But what we can be is the person we were born to be.

But without questioning those out-dated ridiculous beliefs then it’s inevitable you’ll remain stuck in them.

And, the life waiting for you will forever be waiting for you.

Is that what you really want for yourself?

Wouldn’t you rather make a little fuss so you can embrace the beautiful life you are here to live?

Because that really is what all of this comes down to.

All of the rules, the mould, society’s demands, the patriarchal bullshit; all of it prevents us, as women, from being true to who we truly are.

I allowed all of it to dictate my life year after year after year until I couldn’t take it anymore.

I knew there was more to me than what I looked like, what I had, what others thought of me.

I knew there was something deeper within me that was trying to get out. I knew I wasn’t supposed to just go along with what I was told.

I have never been one for rules. Being told. I have my own way and as long as I do not hurt anyone or myself (or break the law) then I should be able to live my life free of the pressure to be someone else.

And, the only way I could begin to even allow that to happen was to question, challenge, confront and change. EVERYTHING!

Every thought, every feeling, every word, every image.

Was it true? Was it me? Was it who I am?

Does this actually fit into MY life?

Do I really want this for me?

Question, Question, Question. It really is ok to question.

As little girls if we question things we get scolded or told that we must just accept it.

My daughter questions me all the time. And sometimes I do get annoyed because I have been led to believe that it’s not ok to question. Especially an adult. If I have told her to do something then she must do it, no questions asked. Accept and move on.

My gosh she even was taught this saying in pre-school. And I absolutely hate it.

It goes “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”. This is taught to both girls and boys, but why do we just have to accept what we’ve been given? Sometimes what we’ve been given is shit. We don’t like it. But don’t question it. Don’t speak up for yourself and say, “hang on. I don’t actually want this.”

We don’t have to be assholes about it but we can use our voice to let others know that we don’t accept. And I am upset.

Which is the other part to this ridiculous saying, “you don’t get upset”. To me this means our feelings are not valid. I mean, kids can definitely carry on and throw whoppers of a tantrum and they do get unnecessarily upset at times but who is that unnecessarily too? Is it them or is it us?

We don’t want them to get upset so we don’t have to deal with it. Let’s all fall into line and behave exactly the same way so we know what we’re dealing with and it makes it easy on us adults.

So, when they become adults they will know that it isn’t polite to question, challenge, confront and change. That they must accept whatever is given to them, told to them and taught to them.

I want my daughter to keep questioning, so I hold my annoyance in as best I can when she questions something I am asking her to do and I explain it to her. Sometimes more than just once. I’m not always perfect and sometimes I do tell her she needs to just do it, I have already explained it to you. Multiple times. And just get it done so we can move on.

I remember not questioning things as a kid and as a grown woman. And it led me to places I didn’t want to go or didn’t like.

I missed out on valuable information and I was left feeling like I didn’t have any answers. All because I was taught not to question anyone.

Don’t question what an adult says. Don’t question authority. Don’t question your elders. Just don’t question anything because every one else always knows better.

But I am here to tell you that that is bullshit. Especially when it comes to what you want for your life. Only you can possibly know that.

You’re told to go to university but all you want to do is travel this beautiful earth and learn as you go and use that time to figure shit out… you know what to do; question, challenge, confront and change.

You don’t want to have children but everyone is telling you you have to because that is the right of a woman… you know what to do; question, challenge, confront and change.

You really, really, really want to quit your job. A job that leaves you feeling drained and unhappy every day and pursue your dream of being (fill in the blank. Singer, entrepreneur, professional football player)… you know what to do; question, challenge, confront and change.

Whatever it is you feel in your heart, your mind, your whole body, the depths of your soul; if that is being forgotten because you believe you must be someone completely different, you must live the life your parents have mapped out for you, you cannot move beyond those limitations society has put on you, you punish yourself everyday to fit into that one-size-fits-all mould that was built to destroy a woman’s worth…

You know what to do…

question, challenge, confront and change.

EVEYTHING!

So, as your power move this week I want you to begin noticing what you’re living in spite of yourself. What thoughts, limitations and beliefs do you have that are not sitting right with you. That are not truly your own.

Who are you now and who do you want to be? Who do you know you are deep inside?

Keep a journal of as many of them as you can and then with each one, what are you going to do?

That’s right…question, challenge, confront and change every single one of them. Are they true, do they work for me and my life?

What else do I want instead?

It will be hard. Especially when there are other people to convince that this is who you are and that you know what your life needs to be in order for you to be Positively You.

I give you permission. I am telling you it is ok. That everything will be ok.

You deserve this.

Thank you so much for listening, beautiful. This really is a dream come true for me.

I spent so much of my life being quiet, not speaking up, staying small that I forgot I have a voice worth listening to.

You may not always agree with what I say and that’s ok. You can question, challenge, confront and change everything I say as well.
Because this is a conversation between us. Yes, I have lots to say but I also want to hear what you have to say.

So, leave me a comment, email me your thoughts, get in touch and let me know what conversations you’d like to have, what your thoughts are about this podcast.

But before you go, I invite you to find out more about the Positively You program. Inside the program I teach you even more beautiful and inspiring ways to question, challenge, confront and change what you know you need to. What you want to. What you’s LOVE to.

Because we all have our own life inside of us and that life can help us to love who we are again and love our beautiful bodies again.

You’ll know how to LISTEN to the woman within, LEARN who she truly is and LOVE every single part of you again.

Are you ready to become Positively You?

Use the link in the show notes to find out more.

Continue raising love within yourself. Speak soon.