Sadness of a Life Lost
When I look back upon my life I have realised my life was more than likely not as bad as I made it out to be. Yes, parts of it were really shitty but I believe my fucked up mind created a reality that was not entirely real.
Sadness of a Life Lost expresses the sadness of a wasted life. Of wasting too much time and effort on the worry about nothing. About the feelings of not being lovable. About the never-ending thoughts keeping me in the darkness of my depression and anxiety.
I have lived a good life, but yet I couldn’t see past what I believed my life was. I was wrong. I was wrong about myself and about who I thought I was.
Sadness of a Life Lost.
Listen. Learn. Love.
A thought of long ago pulls me toward an aching heart
A sadness wells throughout as I retrieve the missing part
Was it really bad? Was it not as I’ve retained?
Each grainy memory, uncertain it can be clearly explained
Standing here right now gazing off into the distance
It sends me hurtling back to a life of lost existence
Thought after thought, each memory springs back
I regard all the details. Is that a tiny crack?
With every thought a feeling tied to it nice and tight
I question now the truth of this, was it even right?
I search the memory for an inkling of truth
Is it only what I know or was there more to conclude?
Did my truth beckon me away from what there really was to see?
My feelings obscuring the angle to a subtracting degree
In my reverie of thought I wonder what I may have missed
The sadness of a life lost that pervades and persists
The fear of being hurt time and time again
Gave way to a foolish toughness for which I could only depend
It cost me a lot, that toughness of mine
A life lost right before my eyes, which kept me far behind
Such a wish to go back to those days of long ago
Its yearning deep amid the memories, wanting urgently to know
Such hope to see clear now age is on my side
With love and a new found courage, I’ve nothing left to hide
I seek the truth of this life so far
Every moment beyond healing each emotional scar
For the truth that I seek will restore a past clouded in sadness
It is only for me to mend all the demented madness
I’m sorry for this life that I lost, tears welling in my eyes
Forgiveness an honour I bestow upon myself amidst the sorrowful cries
There will never be a chance to correct what I have done
I can only go forward, a new day has now begun
This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.
Buy the Book Here
Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.
Take a Look Here