“WHY CAN’T I JUST GET SKINNY?”
This is what I would yell at myself all the time.
I was obsessed with getting skinny.
At about the age of 14, I began to put on weight.
More weight on top of more weight on top of more weight until one day I realised I was fat. Fatter than fat.
My teenage years, my early adult years and the years since have been wasted obsessing about getting my body skinny.
I did get there. Skinny. It didn’t change how I felt about myself, though.
Tell me about your experience with this. Have you been obsessed just like I was? Share in the comments what it has been like for you.
Listen. Learn. Love.
I see those bodies surrounding mine
I look to them earnestly, one body at a time
The shape of their skin, the curve of their frame
I look down at mine, it won’t ever be the same
A feeling of hate washes over me now
No way I’ll get skinny. I’m a fat, fucking cow!
So, I head to the fridge to get something to eat
And shove down my feelings til they’re squished in my feet
Food never judges, it loves me the most
Stuffing my face I look at those bodies, engrossed
I envy their skinniness, I am jealous and sad
I long for a body that does not make me mad
This body won’t be what I want it to be
“Why can’t you get skinny?”, I yell, questioning me
I want nothing more than to look just the same
As those women with the skinny and perfect little frame
As I eat once again, hating myself to the core
I wish for my body to be so much more
I’m obsessed with the skinny, the perfect, the body
My mind is full of how to become like them, a hottie
Consumed is my life, it is wearing me down
Every day the obsession has me so tightly wound
I’ll get skinny don’t you know if its the last thing I do
There is nothing more important for me to pursue
Skinny will make me so happy you see
Because skinny is all I presume I must be
If skinny will get me the love I deserve
Then I’ll do what it takes to get the right shape and curve
I will diet, I will run, I will be my skinniest yet
I don’t care how I feel, as long as skinny’s what I get
And, my body will finally be one of those
Though, underneath all that skinny, my heart remains closed