I always felt stuck with my life. Stuck in who I was and stuck in my never-ending depression and anxiety.

I wanted to feel free. To be unstuck. To live my life without the constant demands in my head to be skinny, to lose weight, to not eat this, to make sure I eat that, to exercise away all those nasty calories and make sure you remember that no one loves you.

This poem was written to help me become unstuck. To move my feet forward so I could enjoy my life and myself. To believe in myself enough to rid myself of all I did not like.

It is my life’s mission to become unstuck.

Listen. Learn. Love.

Here I am again, feet fixed to the exact same spot
Why does my mind drag me into losing the fucking plot

I feel paralysed inside, I can’t get moving
This hits me in an instant, it is not of my choosing

If I had my way there would be movement galore
I’d propel myself forward lots of wonder to explore

Yet the day passes before me, travelling slowly into the next
What is the reason for this undoing? I am genuinely perplexed

My awareness makes it worse, brain buzzing with neglect
This isn’t how I want to live, a solemn disconnect

What is it lurking down below that stops me in my tracks
A tense and anxious feeling, not able to relax

Thoughts spinning round and round with nowhere safe to land
Slamming into one another, frantically becoming jammed

I can’t escape this paralysis, function limited in capacity
I am locked into position by a sad and lonely mentality

See, the past is right behind me ready to debilitate
All that disregard and indifference, endlessly on imitate

For every moment I am stuck is another lost forever
I am angry with myself, too weak to grasp the world of pleasure

Why can’t I just be happy? I scream roaring in despair
The loveless life I suffered is exhaustingly unfair

Which keeps me firmly fastened to my troublesome suspicions
No room for anything more than apathetic repetitions

I long for something different, an advance with all my might
A spark to get me going, that is waiting to ignite

If only I’d allow it, there’s no comfort in that place
All these fucked up feelings I want to desperately erase

Unstuck is my intention, I consider it constantly
No assurance for myself, I can’t reach my honesty

Making such a move is scary, scary as can be
Do I lift my foot and make a move and set my stuckness free?

What happens when I do, will I know for sure its right?
Stepping blindly into something won’t release the endless fight

So stuck is where I stay in the safety of what is known
Pretending I’m okay with being where I’m at alone

But there’s more to me than this, a knowing deep inside
A part of me I can’t resist, I no longer want to hide

So, I take that first small step, raising my foot right off the ground
A courage from within is what I now have found

Where will this first step take me, I really do not know
Trepidation surging through me from my head down to my toes

Suppose though this step takes me to a place that’s full of love
Where fun and joy surround me and fit me like a glove

Imagination running wild with what’s to come for me
I move my feet one by one despite what I can’t see

Trust is what I need right now, a trust in who I am
For this will guide me beautifully to where I give a damn

I can’t let my past chase me as I step into the unknown
A woman I now am but not feeling fully grown

There’s much to learn and much to do, I want to do it all
What once was pain and once was sad, my feet won’t let me fall

I hold onto the hope of never again feeling stuck
To all the shit that’s paralysed me, how dare I give a fuck

Incessantly withholding the pleasure from my life
I won’t allow such damage any more, my past is not my strife

Unstuck is what I am. There is movement fresh and new
My steps powerful in their stride, direction straight into

Raising Love
Listen. Learn. Love

This book came to be from every part of my life experience. Every heartache. Every hateful thought. Every self-loathing feeling. And, every bit of love that I denied to myself. In reading the words on these pages, my hope is you, too, recognise some parts of yourself and realise there is so much more to who you are than what you believe. Be open to what may come to you whilst you are absorbed in the heartache, the loneliness, the sadness, the misery, the hope, the reflection, the spirit and the love in this collection of poems and short stories.

Buy the Book Here

Use the button below to read and watch more poems about the love/hate/hate relationship I have had with myself and my body over the last few decades of my life.

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