What is this all about?

What is love?

Love is that elusive feeling we cannot seem to quite get a handle on.

We give it away but it doesn’t always come back to us. Either not at all or not in the way we anticipated.

What is love anyway? And, why do we find it so hard to come by?

Love was missing from my childhood home. Or it would be more pertinent for me to say that it was buried under pain and trauma.

My father is a mystery to me. I will never know why he was the man he was. A man who could not find it in himself to love his children as they grew older. He was standoffish, aloof and seemingly unwilling to want to know who his daughters were.

My mother is less of a mystery but still reserved and tight-lipped about how she came to be the woman I could not find a closeness to.

Being a mother to my own daughter has given me new perspective on the two people I call my parents. As children, we only have the ability to see our parents as our parents. They have specific duties and responsibilities in the raising of us and if those obligations are not met then we internalise all of that failure from which we build the foundation of who we are.

It’s a vicious cycle because our parents have also done that from their own early days as a young, innocent and oblivious child.

If love was not given easily or abundantly from those we trust the most, then love, painfully, disappears.

I have written a couple of columns about love already, in quite different ways. But, after last weeks column where I wrote about unblocking my love, I began to wonder what is love anyway?

Were I to go out to a busy street and ask passersby their definition of love, each answer would be different. Love seems to be open to interpretation.

This is my interpretation.

Love is elusive. Especially when I have given belief to its non existence within myself. When I have chosen to tell the ignorant lie that I am unworthy of it ever being available to me.

Now I am aware of the absurdity of these thought patterns, I can take an honest look at what love is for me. Love is a feeling, yes, but it appears to be affectionately involved with so much more of our world than maybe we realise.

It is no secret that I am not the best at expressing my feelings. It is frustratingly apparent that I am not entirely capable of being at one with those feelings which make me feel good. And, I don’t think I am alone. The question I would love the answer to is why do we find it easier to express anger and hate? Why is there not more love and appreciation in this world?

There is a constant battle for control. Within ourselves and for others. We, as a human race, are in a constant battle for the control of many things. All the money and all the power. Land. Whole countries. Neighbourhoods. Rights. Wrongs. Freedoms. Good. Bad. The need to be right. Our partners. Our children and their future life. Our family. Work. Media. Messages. Our bodies. Our minds. Food. Consumerism. Perfection. Stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. People.

Looking at someone and their life does not a reason make. We can never know what goes on inside of someones body and mind. There are so many components that total the sum of one persons being.

If love were abundant in this world, what would that even look like?

It comes back to the original question. What is love anyway?

Love needs to be personal and personalised. Yes, it is a feeling but what does that feeling feel like? Only the individual can know for themselves.

For me it is peace. There is no knot in my stomach and I can breathe easily. There is no weight attached to my energy. I can freely live my life without the attachments holding me back. My mind is in a constant chatter of appreciation and kindness. My entire body is buzzing with powerful electricity.

That is the feeling.

Now the tricky part. How do I get that feeling to enter my body and reside there for the rest of my years on this earth?

Different new. Different new.

Not same old same old.

We become caught in a loop of doing things the same way, hoping the outcome this time will be different.

Every vocalised word, every introverted thought and every personalised feeling have much to do with the presence of love and its quantity. The past is a love killer. It can wipe it out in a heartbeat. I have experienced this change of energy on way too many occasions. The future is also a love exterminator. Removing any and all traces with one swift thought of an absentee reality.

Life as a human being on this planet is more often than not a highly complicated one. Attempts at change fail. The fight for a better life is met with resistance. Aspirations for abundance of all kinds eludes even the most determined of us.

Why?

Standing still with a fresh set of eyes looking out onto the world, reveals a common sense of doom and gloom. Our devices, large and small, picturise the lives of our nearby community and our distant inhabitants of varied societies as being in a constant fight for their survival. In one way or another.

Improvement is (and should be) inevitable. Change is necessary. Growth is crucial.

How does any of that truly happen when the love is concealed by the drama we as a humanity have given stage to? Love is hiding in the wings, ready and waiting to step out into the spotlight and shine bright into the hearts of those willing to accept its captivating presence.

As love stands on the stage performing to us all, we each will see the performance differently. The back story of our life interferes with the current narrative. The hopes and dreams of a future ready to become is interrupted by the storyline of scarcity and absence.

The focus is blurred and fuzzy. It is pointing in the wrong direction.

At the heart of love there you will find all you need. Its blinding. It can make you want to turn your head and look elsewhere.

Love has an infinite amount of hearts for us to reach out to. But there is only one heart for each of us, and within that heart remains the cause of your love. You have access to it anytime you need it. The sucky thing is there may be blocks to your access.

This is my downfall and the purpose of my last column.

Love is individual. What is love anyway has a gazillion answers. My love is different to your love. The only thing connecting such love is the pure and selfless energy attached to it. Loving yourself and others should not come with conditions. Using your love to better yourself and helping those around you does not need to be weakened by those whose love is tarnished and frail.

What is love for you? What does love mean to you?

For me, love means feeling all of those things I mentioned earlier. For me it is having experiences that strengthen my love and knowing I don’t have to tarnish my own love because another has behaved in a way that has not been entirely controlled by me.

I have thrown my love to the wolves on many an occasion. I have allowed others to suck the love right out of me so they can feel better about themselves. I have allowed myself to do this also. Taking the love from others because I needed a boost. But, it wasn’t a clean boost. It, too, was tainted by my desperate need to feel better no matter the cost to myself or any one else.

Underneath the pain and the trauma there is the desire to feel better. That’s all any of us want. The drama, though, keeps us tethered to that pain and trauma by disguising them well. Having them show up as an incessant need to revisit and retell the same old story because they favour a need that we are most likely unaware of. Enabling a feeling that is not genuine. Love is unable to compete with that, so, it waits patiently for an intermission or a long enough pause to step out into the spotlight. It will continue to do so for the rest of our days. – grab for podcast

Love does not act alone. Love has many supporting co-stars with two of them being joy and appreciation. Together they illuminate the stage.

As you figure out what love is to you, keep in mind what you are doing to find it again?

It has come to my attention very recently that I am taking up too much of my time removing the blockages. Yes, they have helped and have been very important to my healing but my focus needs to shift to creating new connections to my love. I have been thinking too much about getting rid of all I no longer want (if ever) instead of using that power within me to lay down a new path that is stronger and more powerful than the ones I have previously created. The new ones will have so much loving energy flowing through them that there is very little chance of them becoming blocked.

The many paths I have laid over the last few years are in need of reinforcement. I can protect the foundation by focusing more on how I want my love to look. What is love to me and all of the ways I am able to bring that love out into the spotlight to shine from my own heart even brighter than it has already been.

The way I felt about myself for those four decades guaranteed my love was kept in the dark. I forgot about it as I slowly walked away from my life and the experiences I relished and enjoyed.

My mission now is to rediscover all of it. Every lost dream, every forgotten desire and every dismissed passion I once had.

Life moves by too fast if we’re not careful. Days became weeks and weeks turn into years with the same old same old in control.

Its all intertwined.

Love shimmers or fades with everything that we are and everything that we believe we are not.

What is love anyway?

That is for you to decide. That is for you to determine as the person you are this very second reading this column.

Be love in anyway that it feels good. Really good. Genuinely good. Divinely good.

And, remember to keep on shouting shut the fuck up any time something or someone tries to steal your love away. Your love is yours to keep.

Always and forever.

Your exercise for this week to ask yourself the question, what is love anyway? What is love for me? How do I want to feel it? How do I want to experience it and express it? How can I best do this for myself?

If you are comfortable sharing some of your answers, then I would love to hear them.

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